Sunday, September 25, 2005

When is it really over?

Don't tell me that it's over and expect me to understand. Did you really hope that the fact that you're being honest about it, would really be of any consolation to me? It's all very cliched really. Childish and cliched. My entire life has been the very essence of the word 'cliche'.

Kill the beast inside, that wants to lock you in...
My love is my obsession... your hate, my only sin

And another one...

Before is better left behind,
Instead it is just me..
Taken the place of yesterday
Pain becomes me

Donned and dressed in tattered rags
Behold forever, the new me
For every now and every then...
Dramatized reality

Over the course of these few years, many tears and those uncountable times I compromised for you... did you ever even notice for a second, the emotions I was capable of feeling? Did you think that the only relationship that ever existed between two people could be only of 'love'? That 'cliched' word again? Heh... you were badly mistaken.

The spectrum of my emotions has a million colors more than those that could ever be made to exist in your 2 dimensional prism of black and white.

How many times have you told me it's over... the way a relationship is over, the way a boy and a girl say 'it's over' and walk away from each other content that for the first time in their lives they have done something, taken a stand for what they believed in instead of falling prey to that dangerous word they call 'compromise'? God forbid, you should ever have to compromise, right? God forbid it should be you who has to cry a river of tears and wipe each one away on your own, simply because you can not expect the other person to do what you are so good at... compromising. You belong to a different world, I tried to make you a part of mine because you were so dear to me that I never even noticed that we were made from different materials... you from dust and I, from stardust. I am 10 times the person you could ever even hope to be. Because I am capable of feeling things that you do not even know exist in the blackness of your starless sky of emotions! I am capable of seeing through every effing lie, every pretentious laugh, every dramatic goodbye, all the shit that you gave to me all these years.... I am capable of it because I am not black and white. I can be rainbowy and I can be gray... but I can not be black and white. There is more to life for me than relationships, tears, marriage and 'laav'! Fuck love.

Did you really think that I would not see the hatred in your eyes? Hatred. Hate is a strong word. A word most people think they know the meaning of, but never really can or will. That hate, the hate that only I have seen... was the only emotion I ever saw in your eyes. Apart from lust? Greed? Temptation? It was the only emotion worth noticing in the shallow non-depths of your cold, unseeing eyes.

Like I said... The spectrum of my emotions has a million colors more than those that could ever be made to exist in your 2 dimensional prism of black and white.

I am not from your world. You can never be from mine. Be gone.

15 comments:

*~ Zill • e • Illahi ~* said...

sounds like me...
doent it... :D

Reej Q said...

which part? the rainbow or the black n white? (: n no, it's not bout u

Anonymous said...

"they say this in prizefighting that everybody has a plan until they are hit. you my friend, has just been hit"

Michael Douglas, from the movie Ghost & The Darkness.

"Join the club, get in line."

I just made that up.

peace.

Xeb said...

I can identify with a lot of that. Specially the opening Para. `sigh`
The shit we call life!

Anonymous said...

ah c'mon. life aint shit. its how we see it. how we choose to see it rather. when given a choice, of course, we ought to prefer life is grand over life is a big bowl of stinking crap. akkhh...

one chooses to see, like portrayed by the master Mario Puzo in Godfather, when the Don is dying, he simply says "life is beautiful'. Last words. Not coz its beautiful to him, but coz he chooses to see it like that. And so it becomes beautiful for him.

and ms babbler, u 'do' still choose to see it like in ur preceding post, right?

Reej Q said...

not quite. i'm in somewhat of a dilemma... viewing my life from the eyes of an outsider and not really liking what i see at the moment

Anonymous said...

hey, and you think that is bad?

thats freakin excellent. you 'know' you need to change. you 'know' your problem. and that is, given your love for cliches, that is half the solution.

one should time and again go outside to appreciate whats inside. and tweak accodingly of course. gud luk in ur conquests & queries....

Acro said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Acro said...

weeeeeeeeej great to c u here in the blogyworld :D, and yea u write well. good good moi happy :D.

Rooj said...

larki, keep writing bautifully. a lot of us can relate to it. danke :)

Reej Q said...

true true.. what u all say is true!

acroooooo, wazzaaaaa? (: how's the arabian land treating u?

roojay *hug*

momekh, as always, i agree with u! (:

Phitaymaun said...

A lot of what you said here, is what i wish i had the guts to say when it could've maybe helped to even the score.
Now, its too late to contemplate on what could've happened and what never did, who never forgets and who never foregets. But i felt a little bit of my heart wrench when i read this, cuz i could hear almost every word uttered in the silenced voice of my buried pride.

Sympathy is hollow at best, so i offer none. Nor do i think you desire or cherish it. But as arooj said, a lot of people can relate to this, and so, i do too.
Bless your heart.

Reej Q said...

Bless yours too...


*deep sigh*

Zunaster said...

Beautiful piece. I have to catch with lots of them. But this particular one is something I can relate to.

Zunaster said...

Beautiful piece. I have to catch with lots of them. But this particular one is something I can relate to.