*grumble*grumble*

I'm fat, ugly and demotivated. That's all I am.

De... moti-waited... :/ Yes, I'm lame too. Do you have a problem with that?

I wish that I was a 'tez-larki'... I wish that I could perfect the art of the 'cold stare' that shuts people up when they are rattling on about one (often more) of your incompetencies infront of the entire world. I wish I could do the icy gaze my friends are so good at... the one that says 'I may be a useless ball of accumulating fat (ew)... but you're a dead useless ball of accumulated fat if you so much as say a word hereafter'...

I wish that when someone was annoying the hell out of me by constantly yacking on and on and on and on about all the happinesses in their life, and causing puffs of silent, invisible smoke to escape my rather large ears, I could say 'Please shut up. Can you not see that I have a gazillion not-necessarily-better, but definitely more-interestingly-dull things to do with my life at this point in time?'...

I just half-heartedly took an online IQ Test to raise my spirits slightly, and it turns out that I'm some kind of a 'Word Warrior' with an IQ that is on average, higher than 80 to 90% of everyone else that's ever taken the test. I wonder where the eff that wordy warriorness goes, when I'm being screamed at by Banshees Unanimous. Instead I become 'Meek Mousy'.

The most disappointing factor in this whole scenario is that this, is the first problem I've ever come across in my entire 22 years... that can not be solved (even partially) by chocolate.

*sigh*

Tagged

I am thinking about...
Running away

I said...
Something unintelligible under my breath that could pass off as a *mumble*mumble*

I want to...
Fly. Breathe underwater. Get thinner

I wish...
to be able to look myself in the mirror and tell myself and God, I am sorry for every sin I've committed... when I'm not

I miss...
PFB and my childhood

I hear...
Voices in my head

I wonder...
Too much, and know too little

I regret...
Getting too attached to anyone I've ever loved that doesn't love me anymore. Well no, not really. I regret not learning a little more than I have from everything I've been a part of

I am...
A classic idiot. By dictionary definition.

I dance...
To every beat that chances to touch my eardrums

I sing...
Uninvited and Wonderwall. I can sing, pretty much anything and everything. I'm glad no one knows it though

I cry...
myself to sleep too many nights, unnecessarily

I am not always...
as motivating for myself as I am for other people when it comes to thinking clearly and taking smart decisions

I write...
Exactly the way I think

I confuse...
Every single person I know (myself included)

I need...
A lot of attention. Acceptance. Mystery. Madness.

I should try...
Everything atleast once in my life

I finish...
an unhealthy amount of chocolate every day (: *yum*


Okay... people I want to tag........ Xeb, Unaiza, Ozair and Rooj (: Whoever has the time and patience ;)

Jeej / Uss Ki Yaad Mein

woh ik pagal si larki thi
khuaab they usskey barey barey
din bhar woh sapnay bunti thi
rung o khushboo sey bharey huey
umeed ka dia jala ker woh
aanch per uss ki jalti thi
uss ki shamma key dhalney per
shaam uss ki bhi dhalti thi

woh ik masoom si larki thi
barishoon mein nahati thi
per badaloon key garajney per
thori woh dar si jati thi
woh ik nadaan si larki thi
khuahishoon sey ghabrati thi
sachai ka daman tham key woh
jhoot uss key nibhati thi

ab sochoon to yaad buhat ati hai
iss soch mein shaam dhal jati hai hai
kioon usko na jan saka koi
kioon usko kisi ney na dekha

un hathoon ki bayrang mehndi mein
kitnay they wadey basay huey
un hontoon ki uss khamosh larzish mein
kitnay they raz chuipay huay
un ankhoon key behtay kajal mein
kitnay sapnay they samey huey

woh ik pagal si larki thi.........

The most delicious feeling in the world has to be when someone does something for you that renders all arguments of 'I'm not important enough' utterly false. When you thought only you were capable of doing all things 'genuine' and special for someone else because that's been the order for every year preceding this one. Thank you (:

Romance?

When I was younger, the conceptual definition of 'romance' for me was all about being in the presence of someone who was enticing, in a situation of close proximity with my heart beating all over the place. Someone whom I would look at and a shiver would run up my spine and stars would pour out of my eyes like in the cartoons. I thought 'romance' was something that involved that feeling of butterflies in my tummy right before I met or when I looked into the eyes of someone special (or just a hot guy I'd been eyeing). It was that moment... that 'moment' when everything in the world would just fall into place (or fade into nonexistence) and everything would lose importance over the mere feeling of being in that space and time with that person or thing or place - whichever happened to be the subject of desire at the time.

Little has changed, I'm afraid. But just a while ago, I discovered a new meaning for romance. Romance isn't about men for women and women for men. Romance really has little and sometimes absolutely nothing to do with the opposite gender! I see it everywhere. Hell yeah. Everywhere.

This cliched romance is in dreaming about running off to England to do a Masters, and meeting all kinds of new (and old) people. Romance is in dreaming of a special hug I want to give someone I'll meet there. Romance is in the freedom I dream of. Romance is in the novel I read, in the movie I saw. Romance is in lying in bed and thinking beautiful thoughts about a job I'll have one day that'll pay me thrice what I'm being paid now! Romance is in the walls and in my glow-in-the-dark-star-covered ceiling! Romance is conjuring up the wildest of philosophies about the most pointless of things and conveying them to someone who's really, really interested - someone who will love me for the very wackiness of my thinking abilities!

Romance is even in wanting to commit the darkest, most beautiful of sins... and having a conscience too big to allow one to go through with it at the last minute. Romance is in goodbyes, romance is in rejections. Romance is in tears and romance is in uncontrollable, cheek-aching laughter that only some can relate to and fewer can share with me.

Overuse of the word 'romance', people. I'm ditzy. Could I be in love?

A love affair with life. Hmmm.
Now that is one affair I'll never feel guilty about saying 'yes' to...

Indulge ;)