Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Bitch

Men are the biggest bitches of all time.

What forces me to write about the members of the opposite sex in this context is a scenario that recently took place between 2 friends, a boy and a girl... B and G respectively. B liked G and had been asking her out for a couple of years but since B and G were the best of friends and G was not interested in making the relationship 'evolve' in any way, G was insistent upon remaining friends. However, over the due course of time G also developed feelings for B - but was dubious of B's long term commitment status as B was known to walk out in the most awkard of situations when G needed him the most. In the mean time, while this whole confusion of feelings and actions took place, B developed an insane possessiveness over G where he would sit outside her house at night in his car, stalk her wherever she chanced to go, call her 2 zillion times a day to ensure she was not on the phone with another boy and other such insane gestures. This also resulted in foul language, and even at times the desire to raise a hand and hit G from the B-arena. For the longest time G tried to outweigh the good in their relationship with the bad until a point came where there simply was no good left and all that was left was swearing, slapping and accusations of the highest degree that no girl could possibly take. After a thunderous encounter with one another, G's friends stepped in and took a stand for her which resulted in nothing but a messy situation that neither B nor G had anticipated, nor asked for. Although it was neither B's nor G's fault that other friends got involved, before they knew it... it became impossible for them to talk anymore because nobody wanted them to talk anymore... neither B's friends nor G's!

After that extremely lengthy description of the entire situation, G remained quiet. She knew that her friends had caused the messy situation B and G were drowning in. B also knew the same thing, but since B was a boy... he did what all boys do in a situation like this where their ego is being hurt by a girl. B began telling lies, editting important portions out of his 'story' and passing it among friends, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends and so on... B, being of the male species... took revenge for the ego-bruises by inviting all kinds of criticism by other fellow boys about G. And ofcourse, when given an open invitation, his boy friends began to get the importance that boys SO love and all of a sudden everyone had their 2 cents worth of advice and 'INSIGHT' to give on G and G's character and G's past and G's boyfriends and the boys G had supposedly made out with. Everyone had something to say........ 'Humnay tho pehlay hee kaha tha ke woh aisee hai'... 'We tried to warn u but you were so blind in her lust!'...

Oh please people. As much as it may hurt to know.... what is none of your business... will at the end of all these ramblings and bullshitting and lying and 'contributing', still remain none of your business. I know it hurts... but deal with it. Just because B gave you the license to bitch about the only girl he ever loved but who unintentionally stomped all over his ego by having friends who cared about her, really doesn't give you the official license to become her boyfriends, her friends, her maker-outers, and what-nots just for the sake of getting your word into the conversation and gaining some very-temporary importance. And the boy-gets-rejected-and-starts-bitching-about-the-girl scene is just so old and cliched. Get over it. She didn't like u... she chose B over you because he was a better person, a person more worthy of her feelings. And for those of you wellwishing 'warners' who tried soo soooo hard to keep B away from G right from the start.... well, guess what? You failed, and its time you realized that and moved on to your next victim... G2.

If you were really as great friends of B's as you think you are and try to be, well maybe it's time you opened your eyes to the fact that he ain't happy without her! No matter how much you bitch about her, no matter how many lies you tell him to help him move on and become one of the male-sluts you all are, no matter how many stories from the past you dig up (some true, most made-up), at the end of the day he still loves her! And it isn't sad that you can't see that.... it's pitiful and downright pathetic. Maybe next time you make up one more bitchy lie about G, you should pause for a moment and ask B what he really feels. Maybe asking him won't get him to tell you the truth... but if you're really the friends you claim to be.... you'll see it in his eyes anyway.

Maybe then you can move on to your next target. Change the prey. This one's taken. And he'd be happy about it too if you didn't exist to make him feel like shit a million times a day. Stop making him think he can't go back cause maybe that's just what he wants to do but the fear of humiliation amongst his asshole-ic friends isn't letting him.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The sands of time

I know I've been blogging a little too much lately. I guess it all comes with the whole just-graduated-and-extremely-farigh scenario that happens when uni is finally over. You find yourself wondering why you were in such a hurry to complete your degree in the first place cause you sure as hell didn't study your butt off all these years just to sit at home all day, sleep, or bicker over home politics all the time... right blog? Right reej...

I've never in my life felt so insanely cold before. I never thought the word cold could be synonymous with the person that I am, the person I've always been. But ever since the loss of feeling I mentioned somewhere in my blog a couple of months ago... I think my emotion-meter has gone several readings below normal, and quite unsteadily too at that. There was a time when every itty bitty teensy weensy little issue I was minutely affected by would get to me immediately and I would begin to over-analyze. And when I over-analyze, I don't do it very quietly mind you... I make sure the people involved in this emotional 'trauma' (since every little thing was really a trauma for me) really know what I'm feeling. Subconsciously, I even hint at the ways in which they can make things better and undo the hurt they've caused me. Sometimes, when subconscious hinting doesn't seem to have any affect (which it usually doesn't, since many people out there are far dumber than myself which I didn't think was humanly possible!), I even break down and sometimes blatantly just SAY what I want the other person to do to make me feel better (as pathetic as it may sound, and probably be too... that is the way I am with loved ones - so sue me).

But for some strange reason, the predicament of my emotionmeter-needle has changed. Either its jammed in one place and needs a good oiling, or its just raised its standards to somewhere wayyy beyond the boundaries of the skies, because nothing effing affects it anymore! I'm not saying I don't feel things or I don't get hurt. I do.

See, there's a thin line between pain inflicted by someone who has done something to wrong you, and the pain inflicted by someone who has not realized that he/she has erred (or the pain inflicted by someone who doesn't care enough to undo the damage) which takes the hurt several notches higher than that in the first scenario. That thin line is also known as an apology... or a maker-upper. Is that where it ends? No... that's just the beginning. The really big complication occurs when the time factor enters the scene. It's like 2 people have started walking away from one another and the clock is ticking.... while you're still within the boundaries of the unstated time limit and the realization hits you that you've hurt the other person beyond words and you actually do something about it, there is hope of reconciliation, forgiveness and other such peace-regaining actions.

However... if you cross the boundaries of that time limit.... time just slips away and you never get the chance to apologize again. And even if you do, it doesn't carry the same affect it would have had you said it within the predetermined time range given to you by fate.

It's like that line from 'My Best Friend's Wedding'... When you love someone... when you really, really love someone... you say it right then. Just say it. Otherwise the moment just... passes you by.

The moment has passed you by. I hope for my sake more than yours, that I can forgive you again this time and be the same me I was with you before.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Tagged - Finally

I zabardasti had myself tagged by acro.
I had been tag-deprived for too long so I decided to just ask to be tagged once and for all instead of prolonging the wait for my blog-existence to be acknowledged by some bhala-insaan. Here goes...

UNIQUE
1. Nervous habits - Playing with my nose and eyebrows... Clenching my jaw hehe
2. Are you double jointed - Hain? What's double-jointed? :// Is there a guide to this thing?
3. Can you roll your tongue - Sadly, no... but I have tried unsuccessfully many a time in my childhood
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time - I can raise only one (: I can waggle it too yaay
5. Can you blow spit bubbles - I don't want to try this one :(
6. Can you cross your eyes - :D I can cross my eyes and then proceed to move each eye sideways while remaining cross-eyed. Beat that...
7. Tattoos - Hadh'a Haraam ;)
8. Piercings - Definitely
9. Do you make your bed daily - I do actually... is this a trick question? Will i be labelled geeky? :/

CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first? - Whichever foot volunteers first
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone - (:
12. On the average, how much money do you carry - ummmm 500 to 700 rs?
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7 - My teeny tiny, dangerous-spike wala, extra special diamond pendant
14. Favorite piece of clothing - A newly acquired poncho

FOOD
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it - Those who cut spaghetti should stick to pizza. They are doing injustice to spaghetti cult of twist and slurp.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam - Huh?
17. Do you use extra salt on your food - Almost always
18. How many cereals in your cabinet - Half a box? :/
19. What's your favorite beverage - FOJ
20. What's your favorite fast food restaurant/chain - Mc Donald's... haiiii
21. Do you cook - Very occasionally. But I can.... promise!!

GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth - Once (: But no cavities... so hah.
23. Hair drying method - Towel, *shake*shake*, sometimes followed by a straightener
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair - Yes, purple *proud smile*

MANNERS
25. Do you ever swear - Occasionally, as required
26. Do you ever spit - No, blekh

FAVORITE
27. Animal - 'Andhera' hahaha sorry... I love cats too
28. Food - Authentic Arabian... and Chinese. Yum yum *slurp*
29. Month - January
30. Day - Saturday
31. Cartoon - 'Andhera' again... Jimmy Neutronnnn
32. Shoe brand - Anything comfortable and sesky enough chalay ga
33. Subject in school - Marketing courses were always my favorite
34. Color - Blue, turquoise
35. Sport - Talking should officially be declared a sport
36. TV shows - Friends... House Invaders?
37. Thing to do in the spring - Enjoy the weather... it won't get better till the next year
38. Thing to do in the summer - Hibernate
39. Thing to do in the fall - Watch the leaves go all booteeful
40. Thing to do in winter - Sit beside a heater all day long in multiple layers of clothing
41. In the CD player - A selection of my faves
42. Person you talk most on the phone with - hmmm, no one anymore
43. Reading - deep, philosophical stuff. I like the Da Vinci Code... the Alchemist, etc.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors - Ofcourse. I'm a girl... I have a license to do that :D
45. What color is your bedroom - one turquoise wall... and everything's coordinated turquoise and pastel green
46. Do you use an alarm clock - I use my cell phone - the snooze button is quite useful
47. Window seat or isle - Window

DUMB
48. What's your sleeping position - Anywhere I may chance to turn while sleeping
49. In hot weather do you use a blanket - Yup
50. Do you snore - I don't think so
51. Do you sleepwalk - No
52. Do you talk in your sleep - Sometimes... :/ Eek
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals - Nope...
54. How about with the light on - I could if I'm tired enough... but I'd probably wake up cussing at the lights glaring in my face
55. Do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on - I could... its a possibility
56. Last interesting person you met - Timna... the receptionist at my recently acquired (and resigned) job ;)

And soooo... at the end of this extremely long but interesting tag-session... I would like to tag the following people:

- Andhera (if he can be bothered)
- Woozie
- Xeb
- Rooj (A Shadow I Call Me)

- Keeyan
- Phitaymaun

- Mahi (Estranged) when she comes back from Karachi

If any of these people still visit my blog... which I don't think they do so often *sigh*sigh*... I'd appreciate a tag-response puhleez... ;)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Luv Shmuv II

I did not love you because of the nice things you said to me.
They were things I thought you said out of love for me.

I did not love you for the gifts you gave me.
I thought they were stimulants of the smile you claimed to love.

I did not love you because you treated me like a princess.
You know I treated you like a god.

I did not love you because you were always good to me.
God knows I loved you more for every time we fought.

I did not love you for the laughter and the smiles that came so effortlessly when you were around.
I treasured every tear with my life because I thought it would show you just how important you are.

I did not love you for who you were, you were not the perfect guy, you never did the right things, you said all the wrong ones
I 'right'ed you in my head anyway.

I loved you for who you were when you were with me.
I loved you for being mine.
There's something about being reminded of something you said to someone that was life-altering for them, or gave them the slightest bit of direction in their life when they needed it the most.... and you had no clue you had had that effect on anyone or anything... or even that you could.

I feel on top of the world because a friend I hadn't spoken to in years popped up from nowhere just to tell me how I altered his life with my words and helped him survive through one of the worst times in his life.

Hassan, you just altered mine (:

I donno

Among the cushioned throne
Through streams of melted gold
Awaiting my jeweled crown
Tales of you unfold

Failing to summon
Words for the raven
Eyes of an angel,
You smile for me, a demon

Innocence profound
To the depths of desire
Alluring me 'home'-bound
Against me, you conspire

Enveloped amongst layers
Where experience only renews
Will you fade away
Or bind me in your prayer?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Food for Thought

And there I was, pondering over the many cliched emotional, melodramatic, oh-so-typical dilemmas that so often tend to occur in the life of every normal (?) individual I know. Cliche mei say cliche nikla, tho I was hit by the most common phenomenon in the world to write about in my lil' ol' neglected bloggy-blog. Yes, my friends, I am talking about the female-female rivalries that rule slash ruin the world at every turn in our lives.

First of all, inspired by the recent thesisification process I have undergone at the end of my Bachelor's degree, I would like to state some limitations of my research. The only one I can think of right now is that I am speaking in this piece, about women in Islamabad (or maybe in the entire country) as I know them. So... here's how it goes....... listen / read carefully....

Scenario 1: *Group of girls 1 walks into a new ice cream parlor all decked up, looking and smelling pretty*.... *a few of them look around*......

*Group 2 of girls (also decked up and blah-di-blah) already strategically seated where they can give maximum coverage of 'looks', spot Group 1 and begin to whisper amongst themselves* ...

The entry of Group 1 forces Group 2 to comment with remarks such as....

"Look at the ass on that blue dupattay-wali.... someone should tell her she's in the wrong place, the gym is around the corner! Aur dekho CHAL kaisay rahi hai...... she thinks she's so hot and everyone's looking at her, what a loser, bechari!!!" *proceeded by nasty giggles and glances*

or maybe just...

*members of Group 2 look at each other as soon as Group 1 enters and immediately start smirking and laughing - most pretending they know what they're laughing at... but most just being plain bitchy*

However, ladies and gentlemen, let's move on to a scenario involving the opposite sex...

Scenario 2:

*Group 1 of boys enter into an ice cream parlor, some decked up, looking and smelling fantastic... some not... *.......... *they look around thinking... "Damn, no hot babes today... f***, aanay ka koi faida hee naee hua, uppar say ice cream ke bhi paisay dainay par jayen gay... kya bakwaas hai *beep*!"*

or maybe...

*thinking... "aaah yesssss, what an effing HOT babe, thora style maar ke enter karta hoon..."*.... *random discussion between group members consisting more of signs and signals than mere words to show the hot chick to the others discretely enough not to be labelled as cheap, gawking idiots by the unsuspecting (?) girl*

orrrrrrrrrrr possibly...

*spotting Group 2 of boys sitting having icecream, going and saying hi, hanging around and then proceeding to eat icecream and leaving promptly afterwards*.

Being a member of the female population of the universe, I may face some criticism on this lil blog entry... but hey, it's true. And I think it's about time someone shouted out against it. Who was the one who made u cry?...... Who was the one who spread nasty rumors about you all around the city when you said 'no' to him after he asked u out for the gazillionth time?.... Who was it who found the entire universe of women attractive in your very presence and didn't even bother to hide it when you asked? Who stopped you from talking to every other guy in the world apart from himself on the name of 'possessiveness' only because he thought that you might just be a little like the male population and might cheat on him? Who was it who didn't like what u were wearing because the neck was too low or the sleeves too short or the fabric too thin, fearing that other boys would 'check you out' only because he knew that that's exactly what he would've loved to gawk at in any random female that chanced to be wearing something of the same kind? Who was it that refused to introduce you to his friends or his family with every excuse in the book and outside it to back the decision - whereas it was just a commitment issue all along? Who was it who fought with you over going out with your friends or to a party or on vacation, when he himself spends only 10% of his time dedicated to home, family and you? Who was it who made you fight with your best (female) friend by telling you that she hits on him or that she bitched about you with him or with someone else, etc?... Who was it who was supposedly your 'best friend' and suddenly developed such 'strong' loving feelings for you that he just couldn't continue being just a friend anymore because it hurt him too much and left you stranded and alone and friendless?

It certainly wasn't a fellow woman, was it?

And who was it who gave you a shoulder to cry on when he was out playing video games, or gawking at other women, or 'hanging out' with male friends? Who was it who told you he was cheating on you when all his friends were doing were putting in good words for him and his sincerity which may never have existed anyway? Who was it who spent hours at your house crying with you or bitching with you or straightening her hair with you or indulging in comfort food and words with you when you needed it the most? Who was it who made a mental list of all the things that hurt you in your relationship with your guy and presented it in the most convincing, heart-wrenching way to the man concerned to touch his heart and force him to realize what you were really worth? Who was there to give you a hug after a fight with your parents or with your boyfriend or with any random person on the street that may have affected you negatively? Who was an equal part of the regular bitching-sessions and the slumber parties and the makeup-applying meetings? Who will cry at your wedding because you're going to be devoting your entire life to a member of the opposite sex and won't be able to devote much time to your female friends anymore? Who was there through it all? The tears, the laughter, the anger, the frustration, the tantrums and the hyperness?

It certainly wasn't a man.

Women of the world, it is time for us to reunite (or just unite for those of us who may never have been very united to begin with) and combine our forces to make this world a better place. Don't get me wrong, guys are great too..... but it's not the guy-girl relationship we're having worldwide issues with is it? It's the factual girl-girl rivalry that's got the world spinning in the wrong direction and allowing the men to manipulate all kinds of unappropriate situations and ending up on top!

So basically what I'm trying to say is, girls... come on. We love each other don't we? Then why let the world think we don't? Here's to girl friends and the joy n love they bring! (: Girl power girls, GIRLLLLLLL POWERRRRR, bring it back!! .....

*Much love*!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Luv Shmuv

Realization of the day/week/month/year/life: There is no such thing as unconditional love.

I can not love you unconditionally.

I can love you only under the condition that you will love me back the same way.

There, I said it.