What I had done to someone once has been done to me. If only I was younger these wounds would heal with time. I have been humiliated and raped of my self respect by she who I love. Today I know I am destined to be alone and I accept my fate but fear that facade of happiness I can wear no more. I have been wronged yet somehow it was all my fault, for letting blood amble through my heart that whispered only her name for years. Why was I born so vulnerable to her? I thought I would lose faith in God if I was forsaken again, but now I know he is there, punishing me for my sins and if I could i would ask him just one question.. was hell not enough for me?
Sorry someone, for pasting these lines here where they don't belong. I only wanted to put your words of harsh truth in a place where they could be cherished, by me at least. No, I do not scoff at your misfortune, nor do I find pleasure in making foolish show of your words that sting me deeper than you think they do... for reasons that I know you can guess. Nostalgia? A tang of regret perhaps? Maybe even a tiny sadness of that which I lost. I could have saved you. You chose not to let me, and I chose to let you not let me.
I know I am in no way concerned with your predicament, nor am I in the least bit in any position to do you any good or even harm at this point. I'm just an outsider. An outsider who knows you from the inside. An outsider who has been down the road you so recently visited.
I sound like a romantic fool who was once or still is involved somehow in this story... but that is not my intention. Maybe at this point, if you ever chance to read these meaningless words... just maybe, I could be your friend like I never was before. I wish I could be the shoulder you would cry on, the one you would lean on. For what is left from after we ceased to 'know' each other. I still know you. I want to be that masked figure who makes it so that you never remember all the pain that you went through... the one that leaves silently.... still masked.... once the deed is done. You are my child. My child that I crave to protect. Motherly, huh? ;) Ring a bell?
2 comments:
1- This all was too difficult for my intellect to absorb...i am still misisn the main theme here...kahir...
2- We shud learn the tricks for keeping and flourshing relationships...being mean is not that bad after all..
3- and yeah personally i do belive that its the simple words or every simple smile that says " I CARE " that matters.....itni mushkil vocabulary mein tu samjh hoya banda bhi bhool jaye key kia samjha tha...
jokes apart....good one...
i suppose it might be difficult to understand. but then again... it wasn't really meant to be understood. it was just a means for me to ventilate my head and clear it of some jumbled up thoughts of a past. i ruined someone's life by not forgiving them perhaps, i was only seeking a little forgiveness myself.
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