6 Questions...

The 6 Questions that were answered on the 8th of April, 2005. I just found them and pasted them from where I had previously posted them on someone else's blog...

Have you ever been in a relationship so special, so godly, so.. sacred, that you have not wanted to even name it for fear of tarnishing it's beautiful existence... for fear of scaring it away... scaring yourself away?

Have you ever been in such a relationship where a mere word.. a mere premonition.. a mere thought, could stain it and render it irrepairable as if it were made of tissue paper?

One sacreligious movement, one wrong turn can blow away the strongest boulder of faith as if it were no more resistant than a feather, a particle of dust in the wind. What are the words to describe the grievance felt when the second half of that heavenly pair utters that word, senses that premonition, lets that thought cross their mind, without a look your way?

How can you swim ashore when you feel everything inside you drowning under a sea of helplessness, when you feel like the only thing that you ever owned (although, in reality one owns and is god to many things, many many special things...) is slipping from your very fingers?

You can not. As much as this may seem to be a melodramatic description of what the modern world calls a 'break-up', it is not.. read between the lines. It's always about much more then owning and disowning. There is a fine, fine line that distinguishes a sacred bond from a mere connection between two people. A thin thread which when broken, can never be put back together again. You know it's much more serious then that when you don't even feel the urge, the longing to mend that thread.. when solace lies in silently accepting that there is no alternative but to move ahead and let the tide take you wherever it deems appropriate.

And the effect always remains...

How does one explain that to someone who will not understand? How can one justify that one will never be yours the way they once were?

One can not. I can not. You can not.

Don't You Wonder...?

I sometimes wonder... wouldn't life be so much better if we were still living in the yesterdays like our ancestors... our great - grandmoms and granddads... like our mothers and fathers? All these evils of society, this malicious gossip, these cheap forms of entertainment... this hatred among equals.... this hatred among the sexes... was it ever present in the old ages? If you sit down and really think about it... see back in the old ages, all men were alike...... they all shared the same common personality traits, the same moral values (with the exception of a selected few in the society that were considered abnormal because their personalities steered away from the general norms of the society). Similarly, all women were also alike... all were brought up to believe that they were inferior to men in some way... they were constantly reminded that they were to compromise in every situation to their patience's end.... especially when it came to their fathers, brothers and husbands. And then came around the issue of marriage...... very rarely did anyone ever have a choice... marriages were planned either at the birth time of boys and girls, through business relations or just old family ties or within families themselves....... errr... ok so maybe i shouldn't go SO far into the past :P hmmm khair, the fact of the matter issss... that marriages were mostly arranged. And even where they weren't... I can think of only VERY VERY rare cases where these marriages didn't work out... where these rishta's didn't break off due to insignificant causes such as incompatibility, on the basis of gossip or differences in opinions, thoughts and wavelengths of the two individuals involved. These days you see people making and breaking relationships as if they were mere TV serial episodes to last a half hour for one's own entertainment only... or for the entertainment of others in some cases. Everyone is of the stereotyped opinion that media, all-around-freedom and above all, education is what frees the mind.... that all these are what make the people of today so prosperous... so thriving. But aren't media, freedom and education what really caused us to become differing individuals with differing thoughts, morals, values and actions? And is all this 'difference' in each individual... that makes every female different from every other female, and every male different from every other male in terms of thinking, lifestyle, wants, needs, desires..... everything.... is this a vice or a virtue? One wonders..... aren't all these differences what cause the failed relationships... the broken marriages, the generation gaps... the gaps at individual levels...?

Vice......... *grin*............ but a very interesting one...... no?

Pass It On

Here's a list of things passed on from many bloggers. Copy it and put the things you've done in bold and add another thing at the end.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sunrise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight (food be much delicious and powerful commodity to waste)
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger (ok, an acquaintance, but for all intents and purposes, a stranger)
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath/shower
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench-pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theatre
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to know about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman.
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Lied
97. (the real 97) Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas.
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night-stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Moulin Rouge
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congressperson
133. Packed up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion, or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100mph or faster?
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery.
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: take, landing, during
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for his or her actions
175. Gone back to school (ok, yeah if visiting counts...)
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author whom you missed in school, and read him/ her
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch (tried to anyway)
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you.
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Lost your Best Friend for reasons of death
201: Fallen in love over the internet
202: Sung in a Barbers' Shop Quartet
203: Eaten a live animal
204: Been able to communicate in a language you barely learnt barely three days earlier. (twaday kinnay bacchay hain? :D :D) (ok, not been able to communicate well, but communicate nonetheless!)
205: Memorized words from all Disney movies like Aladdin, Lionking etc; furthmore, dialogues from Friends, Smallville and Star Trek (main bohat faarigh hoon)
206: Be able to relate to every song that you ever listen.
207. Had someone close to you hurt you so bad, SO bad... that it just stopped hurting after a while and literally gave way to numbness in the true sense of it's meaning.

Clouds

ever noticed how the sky is so so so so so beautiful? i wish the weather would never change..... well atleast not to summers... dull, hot, lazy summers.... i wish it would always be just neither-this-nor-that... or maybe a hint of winter here and there when God gets bored u know? and the clouds make pretty shapes....... if u look up there long enough with the right concentration u can see all sorts of interesting faces with a variety of vivid expressions....... pure delight! life is wonderful... :)

all | can do |s just pour some tea for 2... and speak my po|nt of v|ew, but |t's not sane

*sings* i believe in the sand beneath my toes.. the beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling. i believe in the faith that grows... and the four right chords can make me cry. when i'm with you i feel like i could die and that would be alrighttt.... alriiiiiiiiiiight.........

hmpf

for those of u who think i have morbid thoughts, i SO do not! *frown*

*yaWn*

and so... it's another fine day... morning... night..... damn this confusion never ends does it? :P i'm in a goofy kind of mood... anyone ever been here before? where everything that could possibly go wrong with the world around you does go wrong and shows significant indications that it will continue to get worse until u can't possibly handle it anymore... as if it only wants to prove to u that it's much much stronger than u? (by it, i'm referring to the great unknown force that defies all 'good' if there ever was any and is the only perserverer in the evilness it injects into my veins..). but hey... deviating from the topic under discussion if there ever was one... isn't there a certain twisted fun in being just that tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit more evil then u were a day, a month or even a year before today? (cause u surely can't say u've been good in the past... or can u... ummm... or is that just me... errr... never mind :P... ) isn't there? awww come on, u have to admit there definitely is...... who can deny the gleee (i can't believe i used a word like that, but i can't for the life of me think of a word that could better fit the situation!) that crosses one's heart in that flash of a moment where the realization strikes u that you have indeed been..... evil? who can deny it? not i, said areej!

i said something mean to somebody today..... i hurt somebody today..... i didn't feel that happy sense of accomplishment i sometimes get out of being mean to someone i think well deserves it......... i didn't feel it today. does that mean i've been *gasp* a good person today? ............................... iiiiiiiiiii think not!i think it's just that sometimes you find someone or something in your life...... that u just can't hurt without hurting a million times more for hurting them...

u know what i mean? i think i'm asking too many questions today... *stretch*

Dramatized

Forgiving is forgetting
Not one without the other
Forgotten I have been
Never cared much for the other..

The past relives itself again
And though history may be repeated
Ignorance is anything but bliss
I dwell in special phases

Before is better left behind
Instead it is just me
Taken the place of yesterday..
Yes, pain becomes me...

Donned and dressed in tattered rags
Behond forever the new me
For every now, and every then..
Dramatized reality


- Reej

Dirt

Strange, peculiar, weird
'cause my mind is to you glued
I'd be so much more sane
If I'd chosen to be with you...

Is that it?
If I was okay.. would you give a shit?

Should I make the effort
Pull out the knife
Make myself so clean
You'd be the dirt in my life..?

Is that it?
If I was okay... would you give a shit?

Or is the hope another trick
Played in the act of raging..
You wouldn't be the ONE
If I were to go changing...

Is that it?
If I was less ME... THEN would you want it?

That's not right...
That can't be it..
If I was less me
I wouldn't give a shit..



- Reej

Tool - Stinkfist ... Inspired by -artificial flavour-'s Comment

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimulation numbs me
But I wouldn't want you
Any other way.

Just, not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.


I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.

But, it's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don't want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax. Slip away.

Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?

I'll keep digging till,
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.

Hazy Memories

Untitled

a drop in the ocean, the devil.. a saint
a feeling so true,
purity defines your fate,
yet compelled i am to sin for you

a flash of pure black perfection
painting my life with truth..
i shadow yours with cruel intention
bolts from black cloud, fallen to soon

lightening falls, ignites the ground
i've lived below so long..
wrath and denial for all i'm bound to
what's this right, couldn't be that wrong..

take me to the heights of Hell
and propel me from the top..
in Heaven, control in me the desire to dwell,
in cold anticipation.. i await the dark, deep drop.



- Reej

A Day in the Life of a Reej

So here i am... a Sunday night, or Monday morning.. depending on what way you want to look at it... in desperate need of barfing what's in my head onto a piece of paper... or a piece of webpage. Exam Monday afternoon, haven't studied a single word... seems to be the story of my life these days. Where my career used to be the soul purpose for my existence, breathing, eating, staying alive only a week ago... it's very presence now seems to have taken leave from my head... permanent leave. Insignificant...... not my ambitions.... me, heh. Insignificant is what i am, insignificant is what i will always be.............. but there is a certain comfort in knowing you do not exist. A certain sense of belonging crosses my happy little heart knowing that no one really knows how 'there' I really am... how different I am from them and how very similar they are to me... that dawns upon my face as a tiny hint of a smile, an amused raise of an eyebrow, a twitch of the nose and slight shake of the head as the hastily dismissed 'happy' thought crosses my mind that i am after all, alone...