So maybe I haven't been the happiest person in the world recently. But who needs superficial, sappy, tear-in-the-eye, lump-in-the-throat khushi to update their blog right? Not I, said Areej. In fact, I suppose it's always been the opposite. I only miss my bloggy in my moments of extreme despair, emotional turmoil, many-tears-in-the-eyes (and pillow, and blankie, and tissues...) and all that melodrama. I'm sorry bloggy, but it's true :(
So now I'm writing in my moment of ecstasy! Weehee, yaay (: Yes yes, after so much of the traumatic, over-analytical writing that I have so well mastered during my moments (days, weeks, months, years?) of misery; I have experienced (yes me) a moment of pure bliss. During countless minutes of infuriating *splish*splash* sound effects of my own tears, I have often found myself wondering what it would be like to have someone truly understand the way I so often feel the way I do when I so often experience the extreme disappointment in the entire human race and it's world that so often overwhelms me... (yes, ever so often). Today, my faithful blog-viewers (hello? is there anybody there?) I am writing to gladly inform you that I have again, failed in my endeavour to find a kindred spirit like myself who can truly understand the state of misery I was born into the day I awoke to the idea that misery is but oh-so-delicious-and-addictive. Not only have I failed in finding a soul to share this psycho-manic-depressive's deep love for being unloved; but I have also discovered that I no longer yearn to discover that one kindred being who will one day, truly understand the me-phenomenon (hallelujah).
I have not lost my noodles, for I had surrendered those to the Great Father Himself the day he decided to curse the lives of my parents with the likes of me, kindly informing Him that I did not need them. What a beautiful feeling it is to know that the quest for sanity has finally ended with no positive (?) results whatsoever. Today, I know that I never wanted to be understood at all. Why, I do believe I have given up and fallen astray from the insanely impossible feat of finding my soullll mate (or so to say); or perhaps I have simply altered the criteria. Yup, that sounds about right! *grin* All I ever needed was the effort that goes hand in hand with the cliched 'understanding' bit, and would you believe it, I didn't have a clue! But now I do, and I am in a state of pure, sweeeet bliss. Of course in my life, I have poooh-pooooohed all prospective soul mates that tried stunt upon lowly-yet-in-earnest stunt to try and impress me and know me and love me and above all, understand me. Why, you ask? Well because they were flawed ofcourse, and to have a flawed soul mate just simply wouldn't do. By flawed I mean either too impossibly imperfect, or too absurdly the opposite, both of which just simply -- wouldn't -- do.
So before I get tangled in a web of my own words all over again, which I so often do, as demonstrated above *stops to breathe between sentences*... yes I have found my perfectly imperfect soul mate who makes the most beautifully ridiculous attempts to pacify my forever changing moods (or just to run along with them at times). I have found my pitifully misunderstood understander and my favorite manao-fier (yes, that's Urdu) of all times. And I love him to pieces. He is the scar upon my life that I will treasure for eternity without ever applying anti-scar serum to make him fade away, or any make-up to cover him up in useless filth.
*MWAH* (:
P.S. Sorry for the abnormally long post so full of irrelevant crappety crap. Maafi please.
P.P.S. I missed you Bloggy, you're my best friend too.
